myselfzen -my guide to survival
I am a 42 years old mother of two… partner to one, my life should be boring… it is NOT
I have been self-diagnosed with anxiety and some form of ‘’on and off’’ depression- I am not sure about that one yet- still working on it.
Why this blog? Because I am fascinated by body, humans, health, food, herbs and happy living.
How is that we are living in most successful society, yet, so many of us have some kind of mental health issue, so many adults and children around us are sick with so many serious and less serious illnesses. Western people are not happy.
The statistics say now, that every second person will have some form of cancer in their life, Why? Why now? Is it because we are aware of it more, talking more about it? Is it really the environment? Or bad life style? Is it genetic? I am happy to blame all the above but if that’s the case… why healthy people get very ill? Why not everyone whos illness run in family (they have the gene) get it? Basically if A causes B why not everyone gets it? Why not every smoker get lung cancer? Is it really to do with having good genes? You know when you hear the story of an aunt or granddad who have smoked and coughed all their life, lived happily till 100. Why? How?
How is is that those who DO smoke, who don’t exercise they live long and those who live healthy die rather early… ok its not with everyone but I just wonder how is it?
In my opinion I am a healthy adult. I do like to exercise and I am into healthy eating, it makes me feel good and I like to feel good, who doesn’t? I come from Poland (please forgive my English – I am mostly self-taught), where healthy food was the only way. Its in my roots to be healthy and to eat well- you know make your own meals. My dad has always checked ingredients for chemicals, my mom always cooked homemade meals from product bought in the farmers market. I remember waking up really early on Saturdays morning just to go to farmers market with your parents, I used hate it- you know the waking up part, and hanging out with your parents… when you are a kid, its not cool thing to do, but now I would give everything to be back there to go to the market with my mom again. Oh life is a sweet piece of fruit ha ha ha we shopped in farmers markets because the supermarket plastic food was way too expensive for our pocket. Back in the day, plastic was expensive and we have recycled everything. I remember the stacks of newspapers in my bathroom, which we collected and recycled it once every few months– this is how we, youngsters got our pocket money from. This same with glass or tin, we recycled it all. Plastic bags, yeah we paid for every plastic bag – good old times where nothing was wasted.
I had an amazing childhood, loving parents that were outgoing, loved to party with friends and loved their children, loved life. I felt safe at home. I had loads of neighbors that we called aunties and uncles, loads of friends. Amazing grandma Wera, who loved us with all her heart. We could do no wrong in her eyes.
I have been living in UK for over twenty years and before kids I have partied like there is no tomorrow and I loved every second of it, I have travelled the world, hitchhike through Europe – I have lived my life to the max. I have worked in Bars, offices, shops, hostels, coffee shops…
And now that I am settled in loving relationship with two kids, I want nothing else from life but us being happy and together. My partner loves me, I do actually feel that love and my kids… well they think I am old and boring but they still come to me for cuddles and help when they need me. There are morning when we are all in our bed, the four of us, and just having family cuddles. Those moment I love the most and I do appreciate them.
So now, how come in the happiest moments of my life… the second I decide to settle in adult life, to have a baby with boy I love this is the moment I get to experience the most horrendous feeling I have ever experienced- panic attack / anxiety. How is this possible? I am sorted, I am happy… so what the fuk is going on? Why is this shit happening to me? Why is this happening to so many of us?
I have decided to write about my experience/discoveries and hopefully I can help others with similar problems.